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How many thin mints do you have to eat before they start working?My wife just stopped and said, “You weren’t even listening, were you?”I thought to myself, “That’s a pretty weird way to start a conversation.”Mr. Rogers did not adequately prepare me for the people in my neighborhood.If stupidity were a disability, I know a few people who’d be getting monthly checks... You know you’re getting old when you can’t walk past a bathroom without thinking, “I might as well pee, as long as I’m here”.Pharmacist to a customer: “Sir, please understand, to buy an anti-depression pill you need a proper prescription ... Simply showing your marriage certificate and your wife’s picture is not enough.”A bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman “Which book has helped you most in your life?”The woman replied, “My husband’s check book”“Political Correctness is just fascism pretending to be manners”—George CarlinMary Poppins, you’re under arrest for Supercallifragilisticsextrafficking.“And with. ”“But what about the book I saw on your bed, ‘101 Ways to Commit Murder?’”Dan began to laugh, “That’s a book about comedian Steve Cameron. The title refers to him killing the audience with his jokes.”“You should have seen the looks on the Police Detectives’ faces when I was being interviewed and another policeman showed up with a second suspect, except, he had the medals and jewellery belonging to the woman from Lockport. The bottom edge of the medals was engraved with the family’s last name of Wilson, her husband. Then they examined the medals I had and saw my last name of Davenport.”“What helped to save me were my tattoos and the fact that Mrs. Wilson recognized me from a TV interview compared to a photo of the real robber. He didn’t have any tattoos on his arms like I do,” Dan chuckled, pointing to his eagle and parrot. “Also, they couldn’t match any of my fingerprints to those found in the farm house.” Dan cupped Claudia’s face in his hands and rubbed her tears away with his.
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